Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right… But three rights make a left

[ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what’s wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don’t panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby

Lethal tasers can be a real buzzkill.

Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to ‘Brandi from the club’ 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up

Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door… …but apparently his girlfriend was dead against it.

What do you call a happy Lassie ? A jolly collie !

I from korea Hi

What is the best thing about having sex with twenty nine years olds? There are twenty of them.

I was given a load of plasticine for Christmas… I’m not sure what to make of it.

What’s the difference between your mom and a bowling ball? You can eat a bowling ball.