A month before my grandfather died we had tried everything to cure him. We then heard you could try covering him head to toe in baby oil – after that he went downhill very quickly.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck!

A baby whale asks his father, “Dad, where did I come from?” The father replies, “Well, I put my semen into your mother’s vagina, and then you were born!” “Thanks, dad.” “You’re whalecum.”

What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant? Pho queue!

What did Hitler say when he got a 10 kill streak? Get reiched.

What game is in Schrodinger’s Xbox? Dead or Alive

Why is the economy so bad has anyone told these guys there’s always money in the banana stand

It’s difficult to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs… they always take things, literally.

What was Hitler’s greatest accomplishment? He killed Hitler

My doctor said I had 2 months to live So I shot him, the judge gave me 30 years