Tell a girl shes pretty 100 times she wont believe you Tell a girl shes fat once and she’ll remember it forever cause elephants never forget

I love that new song where that clever black fellow does a sort of “rhythm-talking” & uses such fantastic rhymes!

[throws wine bottle into vineyard] “Go, be with your family.”

I bought some artwork at GenCon, but I’m pretty sure I got ripped off. I swear they’re all a bunch of con artists.

The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, “Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.” She said, “Why did you say that twice?” I said, “I didn’t.”

Working with cops as a none cop has its benefits. I always get to say the same joke and always get a laugh. “Do i smell Bacon!” i love cops… ill show myself out.

[Chumbawumba concert] I get knocked down, but I get up again.. [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] “Aw hell yeah!”

If you’re a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter…. How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?

My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.

Can you find the the mistake…? Can you find the the mistake 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20?