Nowadays People know the price of everything, But the value of nothing.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom… …until they are flashing behind you.

I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.

Why do people make offensive jokes about inbreeding? It’s retarded.

How do bees go to school? They take the buzz

I’m a responsible person. People are always saying “I know you’re responsible for this.”

Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.

She’s Smart! “You are so kind, funny and beautiful.” “Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.” “And smart, too!”

I gave 3 berries to my friend in a trail and got shot immediately… The sign never said they would shoot for trespassing!

My black friend got offended when I told him a racist joke I told him to lighten up