Greenpeace have come up with a new name for shrimp hunting, claiming it’s the same as mass murder. They’re calling it columbrine

“Grandma, may i play with your tits?” “Sure, honey! Just don’t run away too far!”

If your key ring is full of keychains with clever sayings, plus a stick filled with glittery water, I know you had a baby in high school.

Did you hear the guy who invented predictive text has died? His funfair will be held on a sundial. Funfair* Funfair* For ducks sake…

Q: What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments? A: Luters.

You can borrow any movie you want from Ricky Astly except one He’s never gonna give you UP.

cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here

I was going through my nieces socks and underwear. It got awkward when she started giggling

What do you call a very funny mountain? Hill-arious!!

Social Life Status: My friends are balloons with faces drawn on them. Stuart. My best friend. Popped two days ago.