What does a gentleman say to his friend at the gay bar? “May I push your stool in for you?”

What’s the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.

Chopped: College Edition. “In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes.”

I’m calling my dick “Infinite Warfare” because no one wants it

Anal sex… …it’s fucking shit!

Did you hear about the guy who got hit on the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

So an Irishman walks out of a bar … no seriously, it can happen. (seen in an Irish pub)

You can make fun of the Amish all you want on the Internet They’ll never see it!

Serving weak coffee should be a criminal offense.

people: u should smile me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks