My girlfriend is always hooking, ending up elbow deep in a bush because she swings both ways She’s a terrible golfer

Breaking: Fox News reports Obama is no longer a suspect.

I don’t friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we’re dating.

1. Loan someone a pocket knife. 2. Take it back by wrapping it in a rag. 3. Explain you need a knife with someone else’s prints on it.

When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!

What did the leper tell the prostitute? [Keep the tip!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0PIdWdw15U)

Once in your life, you’ll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it.

My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I’d rather cut the Obgyn.

Ate Frosted Mini Wheats this morning, pooped a mini patio set this evening.

What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene.