Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson.

The Clock is Ticking… 9:09 9:10 George Bush 9:12 9:13

What’s the difference between an old cat and a little kitten? An old cat will bite and scratch, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.

Only a woman can make you a millionaire if you are a billionaire.

What do you call a nazi gardeners foot pain? A facist planter’s Plantar Fasciitis.

On medication is the BEST time to operate heavy machinery

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.

Hey girl, do your breasts have an agent? ‘Cuz I’d like to handle them.

What do you call a selfless pastrami? Pastramyou

I’ve been training my facial muscles to do the nose twitch from Bewitched, and just had a huge breakthrough with the right nostril. Big day.