I came back from vacation with a serious addiction …to the hokey-pokey, but I turned myself around.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye… But I found out she was seeing someone else on the side.

Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!

What are the five white things on a nigger? His teeth, his eyes, his nails, his palms and…his owner!

I can’t pull rabbits out of a hat… But I can pull hares out of my ass!

I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn’t melt. I’ve got to start dressing smarter

How much do deer nuts cost? Under a buck

A mosquito walks into gang territory looking for blood… All he finds are cripz.

What do you call a C-average student from Texas? Mr. President

If I was in a room with Trump and HRC……. and I had a gun and one bullet…. I’d shoot myself in the head….