Why can’t redneck murder mysteries be solved? Because all the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.

So, I fell and broke my Matchbox Twenty CD . . . Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the RobThomatrist.

I put the “arse” in “arsenic”. I also put the “arsenic” in your “morning coffee”. Revenge is best served with a donut.

My friend was a pro at Russian Roulette He only lost once.

How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV? He blew a Piston in his car.

[NSFW] Offensive as Fuck What’s big and blue and has 300 nipples? The dumpster outside the breast cancer clinic.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap. Filthy bastards.

What did the O say to the 8? Nice belt.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

Two gay deer walk out of a gay bar and one turns to the other and says, “Man, I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there!”