Why are black people so tall? Because their knee grows…

I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball.

I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.

Why did they call off the leper hockey game… … there was a face off in the corner.

If you see me in court you’d think I was furiously taking notes, but 9 times out of 10, I’m usually drawing a t-rex eating a witness.

ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY “BEE URSELF” OR “BE

Why are black people like sperm? Only one in a million actually works.

School buses are the clock blockers of my morning commute.

Wow kanye west’s website is named kanye west .com .. can you believe the ego on this guy. jeez louise.

if 9-5 is a full time job, and 11/4 is a part time job, what’s 9-11? An inside job.