I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me; mistakenly as it were because I have the nerves of a guinea pig and puke when I cry.

What do you cal a Deaf and Mute person? It doesn’t matter. He’s not going to come.

I feel bad every time I lie to Waze and say I’m the passenger when I’m really driving.

Why is outer space so clean? It’s a vacuum!

Breaking News ….. international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven’t got anything to wear

Why are mountain jokes the best? Because they’re HILLarious

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?” Descartes says “I think not” and he drops dead.

How do you kill a book? You break its spine.

Life hack: Never actually say the words ‘Life hack’ out loud.

Tons of hot girls in my neighborhood stopped talking to me. I guess they find ad-block really unattractive.