What runs faster? Hot or cold? Hot because everyone can catch a cold!

How do you call an unfanny comedian? A youtuber.

My girlfriend just texted me this: Babe,myspacebarisbroken.IneedanalternativeASAP! Anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s just something I could really see myself doing.

Jean shorts on men should be called Danny Dukes. Or Daisy Dons. Or maybe just Poor Life Choices.

People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they’re embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they’re about to commit a crime.

i’m undressing you with my ey… oh god, no no no i’m redressing you.

Damn girl, are you Life Alert? cause you just called the cops.

I always envisioned Hermione as a burly, middle-aged Italian fellow, so imagine my surprise when the films revealed her to be a little girl.

Donald Trump says US should let China keep seized underwater drone oops wrong sub