8:00am on a Saturday morning and my neighbor was mowing his lawn. Now he looks really funny covered in paint balls

AMD hardware aren’t for weaklings only for people who can handle the heat!

Never go to restaurants with Hipster Chefs. The food is spoiled. They’ve been using refrigerators before they were cool.

TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade

What did the German say to the abundance of old memes vielen dank

Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

When I get murdered the neighbors will be on the news like, “Wow, I can’t believe it took so long.”

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana? Cheech Marinade!

What is a Trump supporters favourite exercise? White power walking!

Did you hear about the narcoleptic hair stylist? He dyed in his sleep.