What kind of blood does a born loser have? Typo

If you gave Captain Crunch a blowjob, would the roof of your mouth get all scratched up?

Why was Lindsay Lohan feeling sleepy? He was buying drinks.

Imagine meeting the person of your dreams and then finding out they use cutlery to eat a burger.

me *sneezes* cw: Bless you me *sneezes* cw: Allergies? [flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to] me: Yeah, I guess so

Why was the salt upset. Because his best friend went to join the peperami.

Tummy REALLY hurts. I guess that’s what I get for being extra careful of diseases! (Coating all foods/drinks in Purell)

Who makes the most money from Father’s Day? My psychologist.

I was tickling my brothers feet last night, when my mum woke up and asked me to stop. Apparently I should wait until he is born.

Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken