I love Halloween It’s the only time of the year I’m not questioned for giving out sweets to small children.

[Sea fishing] Me: This is fun. [Deep sea fishing] Me: Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it’s not fish they’re after.

One day Joaquin Phoenix will be bitten by a zombie… …and he will be called the Joaquin Dead

Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn’t leaving the ring.

How did ISIS do on their French test? They bombed it…

If I have written a tweet similar to yours, I apologize for your lack of depth and vision.

I took my Biology exam last Friday I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were NOT the correct answers.

Wife And Husband Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

I told the cop I was an upstanding citizen But I was really lying

If you burn a cookie in the shape of a Star Wars character… …is it crunchy or Chewie?