What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller.

What did the SS officer say after having his eye shot out? I can nazi.

guests ask for my wifi password, so I made “What is wifi?” my password cuz I’m real into that “who’s on first” bit

What’s 8 inches long, rock hard and full of sperm The sock under my bed

[front of card] No one will find your body [open card] as attractive as I do [back of card] lying at the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft

What’s the one thing a mechanic can’t fix? Stupid

What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane? A pilot you racist freaks!

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Sharks are just dolphins who went to the military.

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat.