What did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip? “We used to be really tight until you let that dick come between us.”

I had to break up with my Chinese girlfriend… An hour after eating her, I was horny again.

What happened to Frankenstein’s stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud’s.

I walked into a bar once… and it fuckin hurt.

Which country has many spaces to put your car in? Park-istan!

What’s the difference between Trump and a pile of poop? A pile of poop is naturally brown.

Have you ever had sex with a comedian? It’s a fucking joke.

A man walks into a strop club and asks how much it costs to come inside. The man at the door says “it’s going to cost at least 1000 dollars to cum inside sir”

Mitch Hedberg R.I.P Buddy I was told to move because I was blocking the fire exit … as if I wouldn’t run if there was a fire … anything flamable and has legs can’t ever block a fire exit