I have trouble ending small talk. Some guy I started talking to in 1998 on a bus is still talking to me. His name is Gary. He hates rain.

19 and 20 got in a fight. 21.

What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house? All white, all white, all white…

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment The plot thickened

What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape? Let it Gogh!

My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex more while on holiday. I tell you that was an awkward postcard to receive

Why Did John Lennon Get shot? Yoko Ducked

How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.

What did one lesbian vampire say the other? See ya next month 😉

My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs.