A Chinese Couple are having Sex … The Husband says ; “Oh i really fancy a 69 love, you up for it?” The wife replies “why you want beef and broccoli now !”

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? Both looking for a tight seal.

Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell “I’m just cooking!”

“Not all guys wearing Flannel shirts are Lumberjacks.” *hits tree with axe* ” Take me for example. I just hate trees.”

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife? He was an aunteater.

Pancake Day … Has has really creped up on me this year

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

*feels the music* Music: “ew. no.”

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party? In the punch line

Made a meal out of an old recipe book today. Just tasted like paper really .