whats the best thing about metal clothes pegs? I’ve no idea, you’ll have to ask the wife.

I read an article about how much college will cost in 20 years so I’m scraping some paint chips off the house for my daughter to snack on.

Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains? A: So they know where to stop shaving.

Why did the boxer date the pretty girl? Because she was a knockout!

Why’d they call the egg a pimp? Because he got ova easy.

What do you call a terrorist in the North Pole? An ISISicle!

What’s the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife? The knife has a point

Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all of the other prescription drugs.

What’s the Vatican City’s favorite snack? popecorn

Which gun does Superman use? SCAR-L