Why does the nurse always carry a red pen while at work? To draw blood.

A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.

What did one tampon say to the other?? …… Nothing! They’re both stuckup cunts !

If bird-watching is called bird-watching, what do you cal cow-watching? A steak out.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? “I don’t know why you’re shaking…she’s gonna EAT me!”

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them was assaulted.

What does Vincent say when he’s annoyed at someone? Fuck Gogh

Your mom is so sweet… I don’t even need sugar when I’m eating her

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A. Because if they all went it would be Hell.

What’s the difference between Naruto and Bleach? No one ever told me to drink Naruto