What’s the difference between a VA Nurse and a bullet? A bullet only kills once.

A woman once said she recognized me from the vegetarian club But I’d never met herbivore.

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber… forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

Why pink camo? Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol?

What do America and Russia have in common? They both want to kill turkey this thanksgiving

I made up a word today! Plagiarism.

Haven’t tweeted lately because I’m really absorbed by this Bounty paper towel.

“I don’t understand what this statue of a man talking is supposed to mean” “It’s confusing, but I think it’s a figure of speech.”

3 Elephants jump out of a plane, the first two hit land and the last one hits water. What sound did they make? Bum-bum tssh!

What’s black? What’s black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.