I was telling a friend how Jewish people call god by another name, and he was like “No way!”, and I was like… “No, seriously. They do.”

Dumb Joke David: Jim, you’ve got to be the dumbest son of a bitch I’ve ever met Jim: Really? I think that’s a hyperbola

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo? A smokesalottapotamus Edit: [Found one in the wild.. ](http://i.imgur.com/c2Vt1sd.jpg)

What do Ohio and Mackerels have in common? Nothing! Ohio is the only state in the United States that’s name shares no letters with the word mackerel.

A man walks into a psychiatrist …and says “Doctor, help me! Im a wigwam and a teepee!” The doctor says “Son. Sit down and relax. You’re two tents.”

Why did a man eat a clock? He wanted to pass some time.

Releases 420 cows on the field Graze it. Jk bye

Relationship tip: every night text yourself “Good morning love!” & turn off your phone real quick to wake up with a good morning text.

What has 4 teeth and 6 boobs? Third shift at the Waffle House.

What do you call a group of slow extremist Muslim Dr Who fans? Tardis….. I will see myself out..