Apparently, museums don’t like it when you try to improve the paintings.

Quebec lovers Why do Quebecers like to make love doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game at the same time!

A good woman is easy to find… You just have to go to the cemetery and dig one up.

How does a coffee pot feel when it is hot? Perky.

What do you call a David Bowie tribute band made up of astro-arachnologists? The Spiders from Mars 🙁

What happens when a dick meets a hardass? Well… Fuck.

customer: *looking at menu* what’s good? me: not much what’s good with you? him: … him: … me: chicken salad. the chicken salad is good.

Want to hear a joke? Youtube’s Copyright System

Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.

TIL Elon Musk has an evil twin that commits crimes every evening. His name is Felon Dusk.