OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1. hold breath 5 mins 2. die

Can you help me with this problem? X+U=25 I think X=15, because U sure are a 10.

*rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*

Typical mexico…

Q: Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Wood.

What do you call a feminist from LA? A SoCal Justice Warrior.

*Draws happy eyebrows on my dog*

What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

Me: let’s try to catch snowflakes on our tongues! Wife: but we’re inside.?. Me: shhhh, just close your eyes.

If you were stressed out yesterday Does that make you past tense?