For Sale: 2-in-1 Menthol Shampoo Great hairwash. Mint condition.

What’s the difference between Tony Abbott and a coffee machine?… One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone… …And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!

I love indie movies Me too, the best one is the first one with the snakes

Black guys like thick thighs Cuz they hate apart thighs.

What’s the downside to dating a Mermaid? Her clam smells like fish!

Ruffled feathers ahead. What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn’t need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

Wife: Let’s get my mom a special gift; one that will make her lose her mind! Me: How about a guillotine? Wife: Me: I’ll be on the couch.

Religions are like farts… Everyone likes their own but thinks all the others stink.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead aaaant, dead ant

I love kale… Just as long as the K is silent.