Are you sure? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, “I think I’ve lost my electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” “Yes,” the first says, “I’m positive.”

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

Why did the man get a job as a horse handler? He wanted stable employment

Booze Cruise I’m not afraid to die, I’m just afraid of how I’m going to die. I wanna go like my grandpa, In his sleep, not like his other 4 screaming passengers.

“PIZZA” IS ACTUALLY AN ANAGRAM… P – PLEASUREFUL I – INTERESTING Z – CANT THINK OF ONE Z – CANT THINK OF ONE A – “AGG”-CELLENT

What did the Korean family call their dog? Stu

Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.

What do you call a pimp with his whores? A guard and hoes.

I decided to be vegan! Until I realized that it was a missed steak

Him: Should you be eating that much chocolate? Me: Should you be using that much oxygen?