How many Russians does it take to elect the President of the United States? Just Trump.

If I ever became invisible, I’d kick fuck out of a mime Imagine the round of applause he’d get

How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat? She can use your wifes clothes

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

Hitler wasn’t a very athletic man. He never even finished a single race.

We are all Asian We are all older than we were yesterday.

What are Islamic extremists favourite drink? Smirnoff Isis

what’s the difference between a my girlfriend and a voice activated sink? One gets turned on and all wet when I speak to it. The other is a voice activated sink.

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I’d never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay….hey, when did we get that wardrobe?