I walked up to a girl and said, “Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums.” “Erm…what?” she asked. I said, “I’m trying to sweet-talk you into dating me.”

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

What did the new KKK member say during his training? “Hey, I’m getting the hang of it!”

My chemistry teacher went on a camping trip and died… He was exposed to the elements.

If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims

There is a order to the universe: space, time, and Chuck Norris…just kidding Chuck Norris is the first

What do they call a dog in Iraq? A Shia pet. *friend of mine came up with this and was pretty proud of himself

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste

Why isn’t the speed of light Asian? Because it never gets better than a ‘C’.

“ARE YOU IN THERE LOOKING AT GUYS STARING AT THEIR COMPUTERS AGAIN?!?!” – porn’s parents