You know what I call drowsy driving? Multitasking.

My wife says I’m addicted to generalizations but isn’t everyone some kind of addict?

Did you hear the creator of spaghetti died? He pasta way

What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leopard!

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

Sometimes I get down on my knees and pray for a pigeon to fly directly into my mouth

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Why didn’t the math professor with a speech impediment get any work done? He was always mathturbating.

Why does Tyler Perry put his name on everything he makes? So you know what shows *not* to watch.

Incest: The Boardgame Fun for the whole family!