Batman: “Shall we watch a film?” Superman: “Have you got Cape Fear?” Batman: “Only in revolving doors. Now, a film?”

I was going to tell a time travel joke… But I already told it.

So a guy walks INTO a bar So a guy walks into a bar and says ” ow.”

a man goes to a crowded church walks up to the only available seat and says “is this seat *SAVED*?

The other day I tweeted about a married black woman hitting on me #blackwivesflatter

Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.

“She’s not THAT pretty.” is girl code for “She’s so pretty and I hate her.”

My girlfriend’s not pregnant! Edit: I have to apologize… the pregnancy test came back false *negative*… she is pregnant.

this harambe joke is getting too long already… …can’t someone just kill it?

[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn’t you order a side of guacamole?