How does Donald Trump keep Mexicans off reddit? With a text wall.

Where does letters to Santa go. (Dark Humor) In the trash, he’s not real.

Have you heard of the film constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.

What do fish in Jamaica smoke ? Sea-Weed. I’ll show myself the door.

Just got a gift for my dog. I bought my dog a cute toy from the pet shop and she immediately broke it. I demanded my money back but the manager said they won’t refund a dead hamster.

Adam says to Eve… “I wear the plants in this relationship!”

How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars*

I’m on at least 5 different social networks right now managing my empire of utter and complete bullshit.

WIFE: I can’t believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn’t even know it was your birthday

“You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet.” – If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.