I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.

MY friends are like second-day socks… They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb? YOU DON’T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN’T THERE!!!!

Our cats aren’t enjoying the 90-degree heat. But I refuse to apologize for climate change until they apologize for pissing on the carpet.

What did the byte do to keep each of his bits safe? He had to a-lock-eight into memory. -This is an original, hope you all enjoy.

What do Asians do when they have an erection? They vote.

Do you know why you dont get along with cassiopeia? Cause she is petrifying gays.

Ray Manzarek, Ric Ocasek, and Sting were talking about forming a new band after moving on from their previous bands. They were going to call themselves The Police Car Doors.

Showerthoughts has a rule against puns so here we are. Promiscuous women in 1984 were guilty of thot crimes.

How is a moil like a mashgiach? (How is the person who circumcises infants like the person who inspects kosher restaurants?) Their job is to make sure there’s no cheese on the meat!