What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? Dam.

So /r/news and /r/The_Donald walk into a bar… [removed]

“I do not negotiate with terrorists!” said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children.

Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

Circles are so pointless.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday? I don’t know, she hasn’t opened it

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out.

What does it take to finish a race? More than a Holocaust

Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.

Why are women so afraid of looking stupid? Because they don’t want the world to know!