I’m not a fan of NASCAR but I hear it’s popular in some circles.

My ex girlfriend is like an archaeologist …always digging up useless shit from the past

NFL Not Female Lovers Nail Females Limp Nasty F…ckig Liars Not Fair Losers

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side cut? He’s all right now!

Asking “Why aren’t you married yet” is like asking “Why haven’t you jumped from a moving car yet?” B/c it’s painful and not required

I’m sick and tired of scandals always being named “-gate” The only thing about it that consoles me is there’s a parallel universe where Watergate Hotel was instead named after John Hancock.

What does Hitler’s asshole and the 7 dwarves have in common? They both enjoy Mein Shaft

If you were an Apple product You’d be an iSore.

A nun who was known to smoke a pack a day just recently quit her habit. Now she just smokes naked.

Him: I’d go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well… what are you waiting for then?