Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and forty nine cents and deer nuts are under a buck

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they’re efficient and they aren’t very funny.

What’s the opposite of assault? a pepper.

What can a monster do that you can’t do? Count up to 25 on his fingers.

“Nice place!” Mmmehh “Hungry?” Mmmehh “You look nice.” Mmmehh “DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?” Mmmehh “Mom told me not to date a goat.”

Gender is like a dead Jew. Before we know it, there’ll be six million of them.

The Wind is a Force So when I pass gas i must be using the Force.

How do you get a blonde to agree to a threesome? (Oc) Tell her she’ll see an Eiffel tower if she does

How do you deal with radical Islamists? You square them.

What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?   A mute, crippled insomniac