funniest joke i’ve ever heard. womens’s rights.

[making small talk at a business function] “You’re 35 aren’t you?” “No, I’m 38” “Oh right” [long silence] “Did you used to be 35?”

I could never trust a psychic who hasn’t won the lottery at least once.

Him: Watch your language at dinner tonight. Me: So you want less Tarantino… H: …and more Seuss. M: Gotcha. No swearing. Lots of rhyming.

Two Goldfish Are Sitting In A Tank One turns to the other and says “I’ll man the guns, you drive”

What porn does a rooster watch? Hentai

Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my “M” back….. you know, since you’re not using it. Sincerely, _usic

I was in a taxi when the driver said.. I was in a taxi when the driver said”I love my job! I’m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!”. I said “Great. Now take a left here!”

I brought a t-shirt cannon to a knife fight. Everyone dropped their knives to catch their own piece of WNBA history.

What does Idk stand for? Everyone I ask says they dont know