BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise

What’s Scoobys birthstone? Ruuuubbbby?

Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness.

Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.

[HORRIBLE] What is the best-selling treat in Rwanda? A Tutsi Roll.

When someone says, “Good luck with that” they actually mean “Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail.”

If vegetarians eat vegetables What do humanitarians eat

*pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar

Life is like toilet paper You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

What two friends belonging to two different alien species call each other? Brothers from Another Mothership.