What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WATAHH!

I drank too much water I’m going to pee for it later.

Never trust a psychic wearing a band-aid, they should have seen that shit coming.

Some apples don’t fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling…and rolling…and rolling..

Now that China has blocked Wikipedia, they’re considering replacing it with… … Xikipedia!

I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year… Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.

I kinda like zombies…but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?…my apocolypse plans depend on it….thanks!

were do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. Edit: WHERE NOT WERE I’M RETARDED I KNOW :(((((

I could tell you a joke about a plane… But it’ll probably go over your head…

The most unrealistic movies aren’t fantasy and sci-fi. They’re the movies where people have a conversation in the pouring rain.