What was hitler’s favorite topic in math? Aljewbra

Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

A man calls in sick… A man calls in sick and his boss replies and asks “how sick are you?” Well, I am fucking my sister so pretty sick.

Cream? Sugar? Fuck you, I want 2 cubes of chicken bullion in my coffee. I’ve got man’s work to do.

Hermione decided to spice up her life after realizing she was a basic witch. (Sorry, That’s it)

Why are sandwiches better in space? They are always a bit METEOR!

What do you call it when a hooker farts? A prosti-toot

“When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.”

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting millions of illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan

[my son brings a meme home] please can we keep him [me loading shot gun] leave the room Gregg