Some people have 32 teeth while others have 10… It’s simple meth.

I would talk about computer science… But it makes my mother board

Hey, have you heard about the new Micheal Bay film? I’ve heard the lead role goes to explosions.

A man on an airplane was having a heart attack The stewardess asked if anyone on board was a doctor. A man replies, “I’m a vegan!”

What do you call a fight in Mexico? A Juan on Juan.

I used to have a bird called “Stockholm syndrome” who lived on my shoulder. I used to hate the bastard, but in the end, he grew on me.

I was writing a paper on my grandfather… But had to stop because he was moving so much.

How do you tell if somebody doesn’t have a smartphone? Just wait, they’ll tell you.

Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up.

I’m not into anything “weird”, but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.