Have you ever had sex whilst camping? …It’s fuckin’ in*tents*!!!

What do canola oil and some abortions have in common? They come from rape seed.

Why didn’t the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold? Because he is a bad influenza

What’s the most terrifying gift your SO/Family can buy for you? Reddit gold.

What do you call a depressed dog swimming in a pool? A watermeloncollie.

Do people who swirl and sniff their wine in the glass know that it tastes just the same straight from the bottle? Amateurs.

BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.

*passenger next to me starts putting on headphones* Are you mad at me?

The guy in front of me in line to get coffee was loudly complaining that he “needed his fix” and then ordered a soy iced mocha latte

To the middle-aged guy in front of me at the bookstore buying several martial arts books: Is that even legal with your lack of ponytail?