The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance’s baby is doing all day everyday day.

Cop:alright now repeat after me Me:repeat after me C:no not yet M:no not yet C:stop M:stop C:put your hands in the air M:put your h..

I like my women like I like my coffee… Without a penis.

I don’t always tell dad jokes But when I do, he laughs.

Are the Polish for or against abductions? Maybe I should take a poll

[NSFW] What’s a 6.9? Another good thing spoiled by a tampon.

What do a trickster and a multiplicative inverse function have in common? They both want to pull 1 over on you.

Reward: Lost Dog What kind of a reward is a lost dog?

What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears? Anything you want, He can’t hear you!

The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.