Pirate ship Why did the pirate carve a topless mermaid into the front of his ship? Yar, cause wouldn’t it be loverly

What did the tv get for Christmas? Replaced

What did the doctor call his new metal band? Inflamed

Online Dating is like Online gaming. The Grind is real.

Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I’m the jerk…

God: I made you in my own image. Adam: Your penis looks bigger.

What was the Neo Nazi’s favorite computer game? Mein Kraft

What do wolves say when you yell barba streisand in the forest? uuuuuUuuuUUUUuuuuuuuUuUUUuuuuuuuuuU

A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder.

Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.