Hey, the 1700’s called, they said please invent telephones.

“It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.” But it takes much longer to get to England on a rowboat.

What do you call a potato from Colorado? A baked potato

Did you know… …95% of Chinese have Cataracts and the other 5% drive Rincolns.

Days after a massive F5 tornado hits Mississippi.. …financial experts estimate it did over 50 million dollars worth of good.

Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn’t going over too well.

Bloody Mary used to be Virgin Mary.

Hendrik Lorentz walks into a bar… He sits down at the counter. The bartender asks “Why the long face?” Lorentz replies “What do you expect? I’m barely moving”

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe

Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.