My plan if there is a draft: Put a coat on.

What format do Emo’s prefer to compress files? .RAR

Dance like nobody’s watching you. ‘Cause they’re not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~

Even in the Olympics, women’s basketball is un-watchable.

Q: How did the pig get to the hospital? A: In a hambulance.

What did the Mother say to her son when she saw him eating cookies for breakfast? Your Dad and I are getting a divorce.

“GIVE IT TO ME” she yelled “Oh my God I’m so wet!!” She could scream all she wants I was keeping the umbrella

What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive? Jesus, take the wheel!

What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend? She wiped her arse.

A robot goes to see a psychiatrist… “Just because my intelligence is artificial doesn’t mean that my problems aren’t real.”