What do you call memories of zombies? FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when u r a responsible man so u finger ur throat to puke your beer up so u ain’t 2 drunk 2 driver

With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they’re all deductible.

What college tuition assistance system program did Simba put in place once he became the Lion King? The MUFAFSA.

The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.

I know pretty well how batteries must feel I’m rarely ever included in things either.

My friend likes puns so I came up with ten of them to try and make him laugh… …but no pun in ten did.

There once was a man named Dave… He kept a dead whore in a cave, she was missing a tit and she smelled like shit, but look at the money he saved!

What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus? He never saw it coming.

Why do they call it a cheese grater? Because nothing is greater than chesse.