What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart? 7 tees, 30 eggs

General surgeon’s warning: Because you can’t, you won’t and you don’t stop.!

Why did dave go into the backseat? Because kurt called shotgun.

What do you call martial arts for cows? Mooey Thai.

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

I’ll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, “I’m here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don’t care.”

Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing? Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.

I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won’t stop using 72pt font.

How do chemists get high? they drop acid of course

Would you rather have parkinsons or alzheimers? Personally I’d rather have parkinsons, cos I’d rather have half a pint than forget where I’ve put it!