How can you tell if a girl is under 18? Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.

Order 66 … If the citizens of Star Wars used Base 66 Numbers, Palpatine would have said: > Execute the Order of Magnitude!

I bet Edward Scissorhands is very much afraid of Edward Rockhands.

If Apple releases a car… will it have Windows?

“I’m gonna make you so happy, baby. And then I’m gonna make you real sad.” – gas station nachos

I can totally keep secrets! It’s the people I tell them to that can’t!

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN’T THERE MAAAAN!!!

How can you tell that your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes.

Why is Biotite the hottest mineral? Excellent cleavage.

What do star wars and the U.K. have in common? They both abandoned the EU